Monthly Archives: August 2014



A relationship is not a way to clench and hold someone. It is a way to experience another soul. It is to cherish and get soaked in the beauty of a soul connect. A relationship is not a journey to be travelled together. It is rather, sharing of experiences on our own paths, sometimes holding hands and walking, sometimes sitting and talking, sometimes just reading the other soul through the eyes and letting yours be read. Our footsteps however need to be distinctly visible on our own paths and not trailing behind those of another individual.

No individual comes here to be owned and objectified by another or even to get completed by another. We tread our paths and experience others on the way. Some souls we feel like experiencing again and again because they feel connected to us in an ethereal sort of way. We try to define this experience by fitting it into a predefined format which is acceptable and recognized by people around us. Then it begins to lose its individuality. It begins to get suffocated in the clutches of that mundane rule book.

Why can we not be so habitual about everything and try not to define every experience and try not to fit it into a stereotypical format from our past? Let’s try to keep some of them out of the clutches of the trite and commonplace definitions. Please, spare me. I am seriously either in need of new definitions or rather none!

Why do all relationships eventually heave towards becoming a burden? Why do they get burdened with expectations and demands and threaten to become a time management exercise? Eventually, they start to reel under the pressures of reciprocation and egos and what is deemed acceptable…falling into line with society’s format and therefore acceptable, till they have little or no strength left in their bones. Weak tired bones, weakened by the struggle that the relationships became, weakened by the stress that the relationships had to bear, constantly trying to conform. Relationships are creators of joys and maybe also those of bigger sorrows, conflicts and harsh burdens. They are a parcel that we don’t want to let go of and toil away in the hope that the scales will tip in the direction of joys. And they do, sometimes.

It’s not the relationship that has the potential to hurt and damage. Neither does the other half in the relationship hold the power. It’s only our own expectations from it that causes the damage. We want people in certain capacities, we desire to own them and cling to them. We tend to fit them into a role we would like to see them playing and fit ourselves into one in reciprocation. Then we expect the ideal. We don’t enjoy the people around us, the people who love us, for who they are and the joys they bring to our lives. We instead want them to be ours, ours to love and to play their defined roles to perfection. We want them to become our crutches and answers to our loneliness. We try to make them the reason for our happiness. We start believing that it is their duty to somehow complete us.

Rarely, we experience bonds that travel beyond.  They flout all rules of love, jealously,  possessiveness,  anger and ownership. The threads are invisible yet strong. Distance and silence do not diminish them. They add a spark to you and cleanse you of doubt and malice. They strengthen and add. They revive our trust in relationships. They hold on to their tags of being beautiful because they are not burdened by the expectations of being perfect and complete.

Sometimes we need shrug off the burden of egos and the stress of expectations. We need to live in the place called “here” and a time called “now”. We simply have to negotiate the distance and soak in the joys that are possible while each of us flows free. We must share all that we can without feeling weak and tired of having given too much and received too little or vice versa. While there is joyful sharing, there is synergy. While there is a mind connect, there is communication. While there is a soul connect, there is resonance. When we can share our daily lives or some snippets of them, when we can bring smiles and sometimes tears to each other’s eyes, when we can feel truly and love gently, without levying the tax of expectations on each other, is when we will set ourselves free.


Only we can redeem ourselves

We come here with a head and a heart and we build ourselves and we become someone we can hopefully relish and cherish. Sometimes we are proud of ourselves and sometimes not; sometimes embarrassed and at other times just tranquil. And although, those moments last for a very brief while, sometimes we are just happy to be who we are and the way we are. Sometimes the two entities, the heart and the head are in conflict and then we are forced to make choices.

We commit our fair share of crimes and mistakes, whatever they may be in our own little dictionaries, for we all write our dictionaries which carry our interpretations and our set of rights and wrongs. We alone have the potential to understand and realize ourselves. We alone have the potential to judge whether our actions are justified or not.

We alone are capable of causing distraught and damage to our own selves. We inflict the pain and heartache on ourselves because of our own actions. Sometimes it is with complete information and calculation that we decide to live out those actions. If we were to evade them, we would be cheating ourselves of some moments we can add to our treasure chest. However, after living them and bearing the anguish which they bring along as a free goodie, they tend to leave a vacuum for the long term.

We all nurture a huge vacuum within ourselves. Most of us, just like the icebergs, are more unrealised than realised. The only apparent way to diminish such vacuum is by filling it with little pockets of happiness and tiny transient joys, even though sometimes these transient joys may lead to not so transient sorrows. Yet, the treasure chest must fill. Finally, the vacuum gets filled with little pockets of substance and reduces in volume. With time then, within the substance more pockets of vacuum emerge. The actions are still justified. In retrospect, they have let us live our lives a little bit more.

Can I then, even remotely, try to understand or judge anybody’s actions? Can I or you decide whether what they do is right or wrong? Our characters and personalities are shaped with time and circumstances which envelope us. Only we can redeem ourselves and we can only redeem our own selves.

If we do decide to redeem ourselves, at best, someone can walk beside us, hold our hand and tell us that we are loved and cherished whether we are able to cross over or not. We are precious as we are. We are treasured and indispensible because of who we are and not because of who we are trying to become.

In Conversation with Coffee…

Coffee is a beverage that holds my imagination. I believe it does the same of many more. It has some qualities that I have been searching for and to my disappointment and relief, never found a blend so wholesome and rich.
Coffee does make up for all that is missing in people. The enticing color of the beans, the rich fragrance which fills the air when they are crushed, the intoxicating aroma of a fresh brew, the smooth invigorating texture and a natural unadulterated flavor, all in one hot cup. I have often felt that coffee has a personality of its own…an inimitable one, at that.
Whichever pedestal I may be operating from; happy or soulful, wild or tame or the numerous shades that lie in between the extremes of these spectrums; this is one steaming hot cup that holds its space…in the mind, heart and in my hands. It provokes the mind to think more than what meets the eye. It provokes the eyes to see beyond what is visible in tangible space. It initiates my conversations with myself and adds to the substance of the dialogues. It breathes in emotions into the heart and lends an unfathomable depth to those emotions. It also, ironically gives me a zilch moment or two here and there when the mind is without a thought and the heart is without an emotion.
Although, I absolutely adore all moments filled with thoughts and soaked in emotions, sometimes, these zilch moments are even more coveted than the fuller ones. They make up for the lack of my juvenile mind’s potential to meditate and become a thoughtless non entity for a brief while. They breathe the much needed space into a day which otherwise promises to be choked for its supply of oxygen. They make me free…to flow and breeze away into oblivion. How much more meditative and therapeutic can a cups contents be?