There is a circle. Not yet a circle. And not likely to become a circle. It’s incomplete. These incomplete circles lead to a lot of dissipation. Dissipation of my energies. Dissipation and loss of my life force energy. I want to close these circles too. Just that I don’t know how. I try to make peace with the incomplete forms…with non closure. Depending upon time to close them for me…as inevitability will take its course. And time will heal. This is what life has to offer to me as yet and I cannot struggle and fight the battle to snatch more than what is being offered. For, what comes to me without struggling is mine and what does not, is not meant to be. I will learn to deal with this circle too…longing to join its two open ends, but will wait for them to close naturally, if it does. I make my peace with this incomplete piece.
Hope is gripping. Hope is annoying too. Hope gives us the strength to walk on. Hope also makes us linger on for too long. Much longer than the potential of hope. But, hope we must, for there are many more complete circles on our canvasses than there are open ones. These closed ones are the ones we take for granted, even though one day, long back, these were the ones we were hoping to close. They are dreams fulfilled. They are beautiful and complete. They are the reason we identified with hope, in the first place. These circles are indispensable and priceless. Why then, don’t we see them as clearly as we see the incomplete ones? The complete ones bring joy but we choose to feel pain over joy…pain brought to us by the incomplete ones. We languish over the incomplete ones. We brood, we lament and we complain.
I will take some moments today and from today, everyday, to think about and thank those beautiful complete circles where the ends have met and closure has been achieved. The incomplete ones, like a love unrealized, shall always be etched in my mind sharply and will bring their share of pain, longing and trauma along for the unrealized and relinquished always promises to offer more than probably it can…if it were to be realized. Perhaps because they do not have to carry the burden of being tagged with the fairy tale one liner, “happily ever after” and can get away with a dreamlike and surreal quotient of happiness which they carried and which might have been, had they witnessed the “after”. They do not bear the brunt of evolution the way the realized dreams do. They do not have digressed paths and lost wandering souls for they stagnate and freeze in time. Do they really deserve that much focus and attention as they seem to demand?
After pondering over the open circle for a tad too long, I realize that, I will argue endlessly over why I should not hover around it. And being my incorrigible self, I will again and again hover over it, ponder over it, trace its path, savor the longing and the taste of desire, for the dreams dreamt and unrealized are too overpowering and intoxicating to the mind that loves to flirt with life! From circles…back to squares…Square one!!!


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