Monthly Archives: July 2014

Zenith

Is there one? I have often wondered. For wherever I reach, there is always more to do, more to see, more to express, more to desire, more to achieve, and more to experience. The zenith just keeps moving further and further away. The sun and the moon have their moments when they touch their zeniths, but that is because we have defined their zeniths for them. We have given this identity to those points. How can we ever give an identity and definition to the ever elusive place called zenith? It’s just a myth, as is completion.

 

Zenith is an evolutionary space … a momentary experience, at best … as is the nadir. These are spaces where we find answers to our questions and set new ones before the universe. These are the spaces where we can hope to capture some fragments of new ideas floating, new pictures we want in our lives, new ropes if we take hold of them promising to take us on our quest for a new zenith, after we have experienced our new nadirs … breaking us and making us a stronger, more resilient version of ourselves …. and welcoming us, once again to the roller coaster ride that life is.

 

The nadirs and the zeniths are not here to stay. They are like the breaths taken which will never return. You may only experience the déjà vu moments when you touch your new sets of these extremes. Love the high points, love the low points … love the ride, love the stops, jump the gaps, cross the rivers, lose yourself in the thick forests, go in circles till you reach the foothills … scale the mountains, let yourself drown in life so that you can learn to float … and then occasionally, life will send you underwater just to touch the nadir momentarily, and dig out those obscure treasures that you find only there. Pick up the threads … to be able to reach the zenith for a moment, just before the zenith moves beyond. Erect the flag to see how far below the zenith was, the last time you touched it. Get charmed by the beauty of this sensuous life, because there is nothing more charming and nothing more cleansing, nothing more purifying and nothing more meditative than living this precious life to the core. Precarious, yet strong. Bold, yet shy. Fluid, yet firm. Soft and radiant this moment, treacherous the next. You cannot predict what comes from that blind alley you are about to turn into.

 

I cannot put into words what life feels like to me when I embrace it passionately and let it unfold it’s mysteries into my heart and converse with my soul. Live with your soul. Right here, right now. Love it … live it … to the core. Just pick up the threads that life offers to you because whether they lead you to your transient zeniths or nadirs, they are the means to unlocking the mysteries to this breathtakingly beautiful universe.

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My Little Friends

 

Today, seems a day when words have left my side…realizing perhaps that I use them just to unburden myself. They carry the sometimes unbearable weight of my thoughts and just stay where I put them, like little black beasts of burden, who obediently listen to their unrelenting master. They bear, carry and embody my person, my feelings, my joys and my sorrows. They alone have the power to represent all my shades, making them a party to all the crimes I commit on paper and in my mind. Silent, soulful, vibrant, bold, beautiful and yet unassuming. They are the fragments without which I am expressionless and pointless, for even though, experiencing the boundless emotions maybe an unparalleled treasure in itself, being able to put a pen to paper, form words out of those alphabets I learnt in kindergarten and phrases out of the words and full bodied sentences from those phrases is what shapes me.

Time and time again, I have been told by some to write…to try and express more than my eyes can with the help of these little friends of mine called words which connect mysteriously to form sentences and have the potential to soak in all…or almost all of my feelings inside of them. I use them not only to unburden myself but also to enhance whatever goes on in this sometimes corrupt and sometimes childlike mind of mine. Howsoever unassuming they may look, once set on paper, they assume a power over me…and transcend me to the heights of expression that would not be possible were I left to do the task with my eyes alone. Being verbal also diminishes my energy whereas writing down the same enhances it. Words are slowly seeping into me and becoming a part of my soul…they are becoming my soul mates…again…transiently. At least for now….at least in this moment in time. Tomorrow, they may abandon me, but will surely come back to nourish me and replenish me whenever I need them the most.

Sometimes, every word that I write is so heavily embroiled and soaked in emotions and feelings that it synergistically stands out in the sentence that it figures in. It seems to breathe and has a life and personality of its own…a multidimensional one at that!

So give me the power, once again, my little friends…make me worthy of you. Give me the strength in mind to put you to paper and understand once again how precious and complete a shape you take when you dawn upon yourself to do justice to the emotions of a non entity and sum up a person, an event, a thought or a feeling and become much more in sum total than any of these are worth without you.

just a thought…

Give me the strength to walk on…on my path…breathing in the beauty and breathing out the pain. And, give me the clarity and vision to reject such beauty to seep in, where the beauty has more potential to damage than soothe. 

Give my precious ones a better reason to go on. Give them a reason from within and not without. 

Circles

There is a circle. Not yet a circle. And not likely to become a circle. It’s incomplete. These incomplete circles lead to a lot of dissipation. Dissipation of my energies. Dissipation and loss of my life force energy. I want to close these circles too. Just that I don’t know how. I try to make peace with the incomplete forms…with non closure. Depending upon time to close them for me…as inevitability will take its course. And time will heal. This is what life has to offer to me as yet and I cannot struggle and fight the battle to snatch more than what is being offered. For, what comes to me without struggling is mine and what does not, is not meant to be. I will learn to deal with this circle too…longing to join its two open ends, but will wait for them to close naturally, if it does. I make my peace with this incomplete piece.
Hope is gripping. Hope is annoying too. Hope gives us the strength to walk on. Hope also makes us linger on for too long. Much longer than the potential of hope. But, hope we must, for there are many more complete circles on our canvasses than there are open ones. These closed ones are the ones we take for granted, even though one day, long back, these were the ones we were hoping to close. They are dreams fulfilled. They are beautiful and complete. They are the reason we identified with hope, in the first place. These circles are indispensable and priceless. Why then, don’t we see them as clearly as we see the incomplete ones? The complete ones bring joy but we choose to feel pain over joy…pain brought to us by the incomplete ones. We languish over the incomplete ones. We brood, we lament and we complain.
I will take some moments today and from today, everyday, to think about and thank those beautiful complete circles where the ends have met and closure has been achieved. The incomplete ones, like a love unrealized, shall always be etched in my mind sharply and will bring their share of pain, longing and trauma along for the unrealized and relinquished always promises to offer more than probably it can…if it were to be realized. Perhaps because they do not have to carry the burden of being tagged with the fairy tale one liner, “happily ever after” and can get away with a dreamlike and surreal quotient of happiness which they carried and which might have been, had they witnessed the “after”. They do not bear the brunt of evolution the way the realized dreams do. They do not have digressed paths and lost wandering souls for they stagnate and freeze in time. Do they really deserve that much focus and attention as they seem to demand?
After pondering over the open circle for a tad too long, I realize that, I will argue endlessly over why I should not hover around it. And being my incorrigible self, I will again and again hover over it, ponder over it, trace its path, savor the longing and the taste of desire, for the dreams dreamt and unrealized are too overpowering and intoxicating to the mind that loves to flirt with life! From circles…back to squares…Square one!!!